Other people may question the existence of God or search for the meaning of life, but I'm here to ask the greatest unanswered philosophical questions of our - or any - time.

Why you at the bar if you ain't poppin the bottles?
What good is all the fame if you ain't fuckin the models?

Why, indeed, Nelly.

I was watching Good Will Hunting this weekend, which is one of my favorite movies of all-time. It also happens to be one of the most quotable movies I've ever seen as well.

"Why shouldn't I work for the N.S.A.? That's a tough one, but I'll give it a shot. Say I'm working at N.S.A. Somebody puts a code on my desk, something nobody else can break. So I take a shot at it and maybe I break it. And I'm real happy with myself, 'cause I did my job well. But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East. Once they have that location, they bomb the village where the rebels were hiding and fifteen hundred people I never had a problem with get killed. Now the politicians are sayin', "Send in the marines to secure the area" 'cause they don't give a shit. It won't be their kid over there, gettin' shot. Just like it wasn't them when their number was called, 'cause they were pullin' a tour in the National Guard. It'll be some guy from Southie takin' shrapnel in the ass. And he comes home to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from. And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job, 'cause he'll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks. Meanwhile my buddy from Southie realizes the only reason he was over there was so we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price. And of course the oil companies used the skirmish to scare up oil prices so they could turn a quick buck. A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain't helping my buddy at two-fifty a gallon. And naturally they're takin' their sweet time bringin' the oil back, and maybe even took the liberty of hiring an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and play slalom with the icebergs, and it ain't too long 'til he hits one, spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic. So my buddy's out of work and he can't afford to drive, so he's got to walk to the job interviews, which sucks 'cause the shrapnel in his ass is givin' him chronic hemorrhoids. And meanwhile he's starvin' 'cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat the only blue plate special they're servin' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State. So what do I think? I'm holdin' out for somethin' better. Why not just shoot my buddy, take his job and give it to his sworn enemy, hike up gas prices, bomb a village, club a baby seal, hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard? I could be elected president."

Awesome stuff.

(Disclaimer: Those of you who are just here for my sarcasm or rapier wit may just want to skip this entry entirely. Otherwise, please continue.)


Today is my two-and-a-half year anniversary with Lauren, and I just wanted to take the time out to tell her how much I love her and to tell all the world (or the seven people who read this) that she is the most amazing person I've ever known. I honestly believe that I'm the luckiest person on the planet, because what I have is so special and so perfect. Being loved by your best friend and the person whom you admire most in the whole world is a one of a kind experience and one I can't even come close to putting into words. So, the best I can do is just tell you that I love you, baby, and I'm gonna love you forever. Thanks for being the best friend I could ever have. I love you so much, and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you.


"Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength. Loving someone deeply gives you courage."
Lao Tzu


Rascal Flatts
"Love You Out Loud"

I have always been a little shy
I've always been the quiet type till now
And I never let my feelings show
I never let anybody know
Just how much I was so deep in love
But now that you're in my arms

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know
Just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

You keep bringing out the free in me
What you do to my heart just makes me melt
And I don't think I can resist
But I've never been one to kiss and tell
A love this true can't be subdued
So I'm gonna let out a yell

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know
Just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

Baby, I want the whole world to see
Just how good your love looks on me

I'm gonna stand on a rooftop, climb up a mountaintop
Baby, scream and shout
I wanna sing it on the radio, show it on a video
Baby, leave no doubt
I want the whole world to know
Just what I'm all about
I love to love you out loud

Baby, I love to love you out loud
Yeah, I love to love you out loud

"It's really sad that fantasy baseball can have a profound effect on how I treat my family. If Bret Boone goes 3-for-4 with a three-run homer and I have him on my team, I enjoy my time with my wife and daughter more. If Boone goes 0-for-5, I'm bummed out and it's not the same experience."

--Fantasy psycho Kip Kendall

I really don't know what to say about this, other than some people have some serious problems. Is there anything in this world that people can't turn addictive and unhealthy?

Clearly the wonderful women of PE are insane. Exhibit 1:

Auto response from clarience (11:43:05 PM): on duty...direct all questions needing immediate and mature assistance to ryan parsons "uncle doug", resident assistant in knott hall

Notwithstanding the sweet Uncle Doug reference, if I am your mature resource, you've got some serious issues.

Exhibit 2:

stewie12 (1:13:02 AM): well on that high note then, i think i'm going to get back to reading about US ballistic missle defense in asia
JRicoND (1:14:18 AM): Well, good luck with that
JRicoND (1:14:29 AM): And if you need any help understanding it, don't ask John kerry
JRicoND (1:14:37 AM): He knows nothing about it
stewie12 (1:15:05 AM): oh man... thanks for reminding me, i was just about to call him up
stewie12 (1:16:06 AM): i forgot that i should really call george w bush if i'm looking to alienate allies or heighten security conflicts
JRicoND (1:17:27 AM): Good idea

Of course, this is from the same person to whom I had to say last night, "Screw politics. Let's dance." Speaking of the dance, hopefully I'll get some pictures of myself as Popeye soon. I yam what I yam, and that's all that I yam. And just for reference, the times listed in these chats are from Saturday night and Sunday morning, so you can see the vibrant night life that I have.

The tale of Joseph Smith, as told by Notre Dame professor George Marsden:

(Joseph) Smith taught, for instance, that there was more than one god and that the principal deity who ruled the universe had more than one body. Through direct revelations, Smith found resolutions to the competing religious claims of the day. He claimed that an angel led him to a set of inscribed golden tablets deposited in the fouth century A.D. by American Indian descendents of the lost tribes of Israel. Smith translated these tablets, which became the Book of Mormon, one of the bases for unique Mormon teachings... In 1844, Smith announced his candidacy for the president of the United States. He continued to have revelations and secretly taught that he and some other Mormon leaders were allowed to have several wives. Threatened with exposure (his own first wife apparently did not know of his other wives), Smith closed a dissident press... Smith and his brother were arrested, but an irate mob dragged them from jail and murdered them.


And so ends the tale of Joseph Smith.

Dum dum dum dum dummmmm.

The ND game last weekend was awesome. It'll be even more awesome if we can beat Michigan State this week.

I saw Garden State recently, and I thought it kicked ass. Although I'm very partial to Zach Braff, so take my recommendation with a grain of salt.

I'm boring, so I don't have too much to say, but I'll holla at you soon.

From the blog of a much wiser man than I:

It's crazy. Our little blog is so big time now. I feel like I should talk about important things, but fuck it - I'd rather talk about Manatees boning.

Wouldn't we all?

Me too.

So the Jeopardy guy (aka Ken Jennings) looked a little vulnerable yesterday in winning his 40th consecutive match. I think he was pissed today, because he absolutely destroyed the field, completely demoralizing his opponents in the Jeopardy round. I find him annoying, but he's a hell of a champion. For those of you who keep track of this sort of thing, he is a 41 day champion and hit $1.38 million today. Impressive.

Regardless of whatever merits I see in President Bush and Senator Kerry, ultimately, this is why I'll be voting for Bush this November:

What happened in one Russian schoolhouse is an abomination that has to be defeated, not merely regretted. But the only guys with any kind of plan are the Bush administration. Last Thursday, the President committed himself yet again to wholesale reform of the Muslim world. This is a dysfunctional region that exports its toxins, to Beslan, Bali and beyond, and is wealthy enough to be able to continue doing so.

You can't turn Saudi Arabia and Yemen into New Hampshire or Sweden (according to taste), but if you could transform them into Singapore or Papua New Guinea or Belize or just about anything else you'd be making an immense improvement. It's a long shot, but, unlike Putin's plan to bomb them Islamists into submission or Chirac's reflexive inclination to buy them off, Bush is at least tackling the "root cause".

If you've got a better idea, let's hear it. Right now, his is the only plan on the table. The ideology and rationale that drove the child-killers in Beslan is the same as that motivating cells in Rome and Manchester and Seattle and Sydney. In this war, you can't hold the line against the next depravity. (Emphasis added)

--Mark Steyn

wheremu17: parsons i checked out your blog and for some reason couldnt "holla back"; since this is the case, i think you should add a "steve's thought of the day" section to the blog which could spur debate and conversation (and could contain such gems as: if you flip your collar up on your polo youre an idiot, its college youre supposed to be drunk, most business majors are morons, gay? fine by me just keep your dick away from my butt and dont talk to my kids, earrings are for chicks and boy band members, get a haircut hippie, dont you hate pants, and others)

As part of my continuous plan to whore myself out to the Republican party, I offer you this quote from your friend and mine, Arnold Schwarzenegger (And I just spelled his name right without even looking!):

My fellow immigrants, my fellow Americans, how do you know if you are a Republican? Well, I tell you how. If you believe that government should be accountable to the people, not the people to the government, then you are a Republican.

If you believe a person should be treated as an individual, not as a member of an interest group, then you are a Republican.

If you believe your family knows how to spend your money better than the government does, then you are a Republican.

If you believe our educational system should be held accountable for the progress of our children, then you are a Republican.

If you believe this country, not the United Nations, is the best hope for democracy, then you are a Republican.

And, ladies and gentlemen, if you believe that we must be fierce and relentless and terminate terrorism, then you are a Republican.

Now, there's another way you can tell you're a Republican. You have faith in free enterprise, faith in the resourcefulness of the American people and faith in the U.S. economy. And to those critics who are so pessimistic about our economy, I say: Don't be economic girlie-men.

Not only do agree with the sentiment, I also believe that this is quite a powerful message to the average American swing voter, and one that could have a lasting impact given the size of the audience that heard it undiluted. Word.